SIRA ANG FRIENDSTER BLOGS, AT HINDI AKO MAKABLOGGER BLOG DAHIL WALA RAW AKONG COOKIES. WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?

BUMILI NG NOBELETA NI U ELISERIO, SA MGA SUSO NG LIWANAG, 200 PESOS LANG, MAY LIBRENG VCD PA.  FC 3005.

what else can i say except: i didn’t see THAT coming.  no, really, i’m fucking delusional and paranoid, but THAT was a fucking surprise.  THAT is just fucked up.  THAT–well, THAT’s THAT.

now i’m asking you, what the hell else can i do?  i keep remembering this unfinished (because it was too ugly and boring to finish) novel of mine, about someone called eternal, and a group with "masters" in their  name.  and i’m thinking, now THAT’s autobiographical.  now THAT’s my condition, which is the human condition, which is: i know there’s something wrong, how come i’m not doing anything to correct it?  and the answer’s so simple: i benefit from it.  i benefit from how thing’s are arranged.  not much of a benefit, i’ll be the first to admit, but still.  better than risking destruction.

i know i’m being abstract, and i hope you, my dear reader, don’t get all paranoid and delusional and think that this post is about you, because it’s not about you.  indeed, i don’t really know who it is really about.

i promised myself not to post things (personal, true, real things) in my blogs (take note plural) anymore, because… because i’m paranoid and delusional, and maybe later after i finish writing this i won’t post it.  maybe.  or maybe, i’ll do what my protagonist did, and go against those who taught him, because it was the right thing to do.

maybe.

i really need help selling my books, because nobody’s buying them and i hate for my publishers to lose money.  this is the problem that i should be focused on.  the other one, hell, maybe someone else will fix it for me.  maybe.

i keep thinking back to those days when i was reading life as literature, when finally, aha, i was saying to myself, things are making sense.  aha, i am the one who can make them have sense.  (mali ang ingles ko.)

ewan.  sige na.  ayoko na ng gulo.  gusto ko lang ng kapayapaan.